DOS AND DON'TS WHEN BOOKING A COMPANION
Booking an escort for the first time can be a nerve-wracking experience. There are certain etiquette standards, that if not adhered to, can get you blocked without knowing why. This guide is not directed at experienced clients who regularly book escorts successfully - good for you, you must be doing something right! It is directed at potential clients who want to book, but don't know how, and who are nervous about messing up.
Booking an escort, companion, or fetish provider is a great way to make time for yourself, to relax, to reconnect with your body and restore your sense of well-being. It removes the complications and uncertainty of regular dating and allows you to have a tailor-made experience focused on your needs. Whether you're longing for skin-to-skin contact, to let go of control for once, or just hot sex, seeing an erotic provider is a great way to release stress. So - what to do, and what NOT to do, when booking an escort for the first time?
This list is based on my own experiences as an independent escort, kinky GFE companion, and domina in Berlin (and London). Working practices among escorts differ from country to country and from provider to provier, and this isn't a one-size-fits all list. Most importantly, you need to refer to the website or ad of the actual escort or domina you want to book. Actually, let me make that the first point:
Read before you write
An established provider, companion, domina, what have you, will have a website or at the very least an ad. The information she puts online will be there, deliberately, to help you make a choice, to help you understand what she provides, and to help you understand how she prefers to be contacted. Reading the ad is really half the battle!
Know what you want
You don't have to be Don Juan to book an escort, or some sort of sexual mastermind, but you should not be writing a domina asking "what sort of BDSM session can we do?" or writing an escort "what do you feel like doing with me?" If you don't already have a fantasy you want to turn into reality, I can't invest energy into inventing one for you. Take your time to think about it, and learn to articulate your desires. This will benefit you in your personal life, too! It doesn't have to be complicated.
(It's my impression that US providers generally don't discuss sexual details beforehand. I'm working in Europe, and here the legal situation is different. That being said, keep it short and not too graphic - no one handed typing, please!)
The ideal first message
... should contain:
A greeting + your name (the very basis of polite communication)
A location for the meeting, a date, a rough time, and the duration
A short description of what you expect to experience during our date
and a short description of you and your interests!
Including all this information in the first message makes you look serious and well-considered, and means a date can be arranged in just one or two messages instead of two dozen. I cannot overstate what a good impression this makes.
Conveniently, my booking form already has different fields set out for all the information I require, so you don't need to worry about forgetting something.
Many providers also expect screening details such as an ID photo or a LinkedIn. I personally don't usually consider this necessary, since I work under a legalisation model in Germany. It does make a good impression, though.
Show serious intent
For dates that require a bit more working out in detail - whether that's playing through a specific BDSM scenario, or deciding on a restaurant together - this really should happen after the deposit is sent, or in the case of a FMTY booking, at least some sort of gift or tribute. Escorts receive a lot of inquiries from fantasists that are writing just to pass the time. If you want to differentiate yourself from them, you will need to put your money where your mouth is.
Don’t argue about terms
To book an escort is not like talking a woman into going on a private date with you, or getting your cousin's wife's brother to fix a hole in your roof for cheap. An escort has an established business and an established way of working and taking on new clients. That means, you have to either accept her conditions for meeting you, or accept that you won't be meeting her. It is not an informal connection where you can argue about the details or impose your own conditions. In fact, nothing will destroy any sense of excitement she may feel towards your date more quickly than arguing about deposit or screening policy, or refusing to send details that she asks for. These practices are not arbitrary but developed through many years of professional eperience to make the dating experience smooth, safe, and simple. Please, don't make things complicated.
Deposits
In my experience, about 80% of clients who don't pay deposits will cancel, or simply ghost when the day arrives. This makes it impossible to plan anything, and it takes potential bookings away from actual serious clients. As much as I wish I could rely on promises alone, unfortunately, it is simply not possible to work as an independent escort in this day and age without taking deposits. I offer several ways to pay your deposit! PayPal, however, is not one of them. Paying your deposit quickly and without making things difficult shows respect towards me as a provider and sets you apart as a good client, the kind that escorts are delighted to meet.
Don’t haggle - ever
I think everyone knows this, really, but it has to be said. Haggling with an erotic service provider is considered irredeemably rude. Also, do not suggest your own price for the services you desire. The escort sets the rate, always - there are providers at many different price ranges, and you should not be contacting someone you can't afford. Personally, if you try to haggle with me, I will never meet you, even if you walk it back. It is so insulting and shows such fundamental disrespect that there is simply no way to make up for it. Do you really think someone will be excited to be intimate with you after you've suggested they're not worth their rate?
Timing
Booking in advance highly increases the chance that I will be able to accommodate your wishes. It allows me to plan well for the date and to get into the right mindset in a relaxed fashion. Besides, it allows the both of us to build up anticipation! It's nice to have something to look forward to, isn't it? A same-day date can be possible, too, if you're lucky - but definitely not within one hour.
(By the way: Don't expect success when messaging providers at 2am asking if they can come to you immediately. We have regular lives and are probably sleeping. Also, "immediately" is never sexy, regardless of the time of day. It's stressful!)
Going the extra mile
It's not obligatory, but always much appreciated, to send a small gift or token of appreciation before a date. If you want me to wear something specific, I'm happy to oblige when possible - but I will be expecting you to buy it for me. Why not take the opportunity to make our first meeting more exciting and memorable for the both of us?
Hopefully, my gentle guidance has put you well on your way to making a successful appointment with the woman of your dreams. I'll follow up with my do's and don'ts for the actual meeting... but that's for another day. You know I love to make you wait for it.
With love,
The Art of Anticipation
Though spontaneity seems to be touted as a virtue these days - and sometimes, it is - there's a lot to be said for the excitement of building up anticipation over time, looking forward to something, dreaming, fantasizing, and then - that heart-fluttering moment when it's just about to happen...
The ability to plan ahead is an underrated virtue in a man and, I have to say, very desirable.
In my life as an escort and companion, there's few things I love more than having a really well-planned date to look forward to. To wonder about the person behind the email... what your smile will look like, your voice, how your hands will feel, how your face will look when you see me for the first time. I adore having just enough details to build up an image of you in my mind... but without spoiling the delicious suprise, the mystery.
Working out details together, like an itinerary for a full evening in Berlin, a restaurant, a place for drinks, trying on the dress or lingerie you've selected and bought for me in advance, or the toys we may use during our session, gives me a lot to look forward to and is terribly enticing. I've never been let down by this type of anticipation, either - these always seem to be the same kind of men whose company makes hours feel like minutes. Those who value their experiences and act accordingly, will also have a more valuable experience. For those who go the extra mile to make these experiences smooth, frictionless, and stress-free, I go the extra mile too - and reward generosity, consideration, and respect with equal generosity, warmth, and high spirits.
As for all the rest, I don't kiss and tell.
With love,
Letting her decide for you
The notion that men who enjoy being submissive in bed are also submissive and weak in life is completely false. In fact, it's often men who exercise a lot of authority in their public life, men who need to make a lot of decisions, men who have a lot of weight on their shoulders, who enjoy submission in bed. (Submission here meaning everything from simply letting her be the more active partner, all the way across the spectrum to strict protocol BDSM.)
And why not?
In my years as an independent Berlin escort and domina, I've learned that relaxation, not tension, is a fundamental aspect of sexuality and eroticism. What could be more relaxing than shutting off the stressed part of your brain and letting me make the decisions for you, knowing that you're in good hands? Knowing, indeed, that you're in the hands of someone who understands your needs (and her own), who you can trust fully. To let yourself go, relax, and enjoy yourself with total innocence, with someone strong, sexy, and caring...
Does that sound like heaven to you?
Our first meeting (or sweet reunion) is only a message away.
With love…
Your first strapon experience
Do you secretly dream of being pegged by a woman? The subject may be somewhat taboo in polite company, but trust me - far more men harbour this desire than anyone would guess.
Men of all sexual orientations can get a tremendous amount of pleasure out of prostate stimulation - in my opinion, it's a shame not to try it! Many men have entrusted me with being their first strap-on experience, but I've also pegged many for whom its a usual part of their sex life. When I ask my clients if they would ever discuss their love of anal strapon sex with anyone in real life, the usual response is, "of course not!" Many are fearful of even bringing it up to their wife or girlfriend, or have already brought it up and been rejected. (There is a small minority of men with extremely open-minded partners. Salute to you and your partners!)
Seeking out a sexual professional is a great way to experience a new fantasy without judgement, to put yourself safely in the hands of someone experienced, understanding, and enthusiastic.
So, what's good to bear in mind for an enjoyable first time strapon experience?
1. Atmosphere
It's totally normal to feel nervous for your first (or even second, or third...) time, but your body needs to be relaxed to feel pleasure. This is where communication with your partner (whether that's a temporary or long-term connection) comes into the picture. Settle in comfortably with each other. Make sure the environment is pleasant, clean, not too warm, not too cold...
My favourite way to start a strapon session is with a long, indulgent, sensual massage, naturally leading into a prostate massage as foreplay. This allows the other person to relax his entire body, to get used to my touch, and to simply sink into enjoyment.
2. Hygiene
Making sure that you are reasonably clean helps to make the experience more relaxing both for you and for your partner, so you can focus on what really matters. Generally, a really deep enema isn't necessary for strapon sex, but you should have gone to the bathroom recently, and cleaned yourself afterwards, ideally in the shower. Putting a glove or condom on your hand with some lube and putting a finger or two inside yourself, washing them off until they come out clean, is in my opinion ideal.
3. Size
If you've watched a lot of strapon pornography, you may be used to watching people get penetrated with very large dildos and other sex toys - however, anal play takes warm up and practice, and if you're experienced enough to take on massive toys, you probably don't need this guide! Start small and start slow. I like to start with a prostate massage - I love the flexibility of fingers which allows you to stimulate small spots very precisely - before moving on to my smallest toy and seeing how far we get. Less is really more sometimes... of course, sometimes, more is more.
4. Aftercare
Penetrative sex is an intense experience, physically and emotionally! It's best to not just rush out the door, but stick around, cuddle, and come back to earth together with easy conversation and gentle touch. Until the next time you relive the experience...
I hope you'll feel confident to pursue your fantasy. You only live once!
If you're willing to trust me to be your first, our meeting is just a message away.
With love
Welcome!
You’ve stumbled upon the blog of Lyra Bergman. I’m an independent Berlin escort and fetish provider, with London as my second home. I hope to use this space to cover various topics that interest me, from kink to escort history to art. For now, though, I’ll just leave this here, for all lovers of hairy escorts.
Gustave Courbet, The Woman in the Waves, 1868 - one of the first depictions in Western art of women with armpit hair
It’s a beautiful day in Berlin - spring has just sprung and the sun beams down through the crisp March air. If you’ve been waiting for a good time and a good reason to visit, well, the time is now - I’ll be your good reason, if you let me.